this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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