Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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