You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
