Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
