I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
