We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
