you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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