I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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