It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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