Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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