Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
