I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
