I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
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