You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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