you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
