I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
