Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
