Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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