i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
