he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
