I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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