It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
