i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
