ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
