I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
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