we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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