i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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