oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
