There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
