Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
