dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
