I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
