We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
