i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
