This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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