I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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