Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
