flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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