One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
NoShamevember. You game?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
