god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
