oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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