we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
