Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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