so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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