Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
