It's Friday. Sex?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
