now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
