pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
