the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
