that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
