wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
