i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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