she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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