i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
