I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
