after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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