Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
