I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
