Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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