Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
