Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
