is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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