hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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