Just fell off a train. Bad.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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