the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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