dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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