Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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