She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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