Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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