I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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