I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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