I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
