And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
