Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
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Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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