um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
