I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
